Do you think, or only think you think?

Lessons Learned

2011-12-02T11:50:00.001-06:00

I'm sure most, if not all, parents have experienced epiphanies while raising their children. It is not uncommon to experience those "Ah-hah!" moments when we come to understand some facet of human behavior by watching our children go through their experiences. Some of them can even be painful as we are brought up short with our own faults thrown back in our face. Today, I realized again that, while I may find certain behaviors and attitudes of my children to be annoying, I should really try to work on acting more like them.

They play hard, they love greatly, they are loyal (minus the occasional upsets that beset their sibling relationships, but beware the one who goes against a family member), they laugh deeply and often, they are honest and open, they call the cards the way they see them, and so much more.

It never ceases to amaze me how they can go from best friends, to bitter enemies, and back again, sometimes in almost the same breath. Peter will torment his sisters unmercifully and then turn around and work just as hard to make them laugh it off. Ellie dances the way she feels, she doesn't hold back. She doesn't hold back with much at all. They each have something so unique to offer the world, and it helps me remember that we all have something to offer. Liahna is unfailingly caring for other people. She often tells me about her friends at school that she helped in some way and she is generous to a fault (except for those occasional moments with her brother) with those that she is around. What life lessons are learned as they grow up.

The saying "I learned all I needed to know in Kindergarten" could easily be said "I learned all I needed to know when my kids finished Kindergarten."

Interests vs. passions

2011-09-08T16:43:00.004-05:00

I attended a seminar in high school that has really stuck with me, and frankly, bothered me a bit. The subject of the seminar was "Finding your passion."

From the dictionary on my computer-
passion |ˈpa sh ən|
noun
1 strong and barely controllable emotion : a man of impetuous passion. See note at emotion .
• a state or outburst of such emotion : oratory in which he gradually works himself up into a passion.
• intense sexual love : their all-consuming passion for each other | she nurses a passion for Thomas.
• an intense desire or enthusiasm for something : the English have a passion for gardens.
• a thing arousing enthusiasm : modern furniture is a particular passion of Bill's.

Here I am addressing the intense desire or enthusiasm for something.

Also from my dictionary (much quicker to copy and paste than actually go downstairs, get my dictionary and type it in)-
interest |ˈint(ə)rist|
noun
1 the state of wanting to know or learn about something or someone : she looked about her with interest.
• ( an interest in) a feeling of wanting to know or learn about (something) : he developed an interest in art.
• the quality of exciting curiosity or holding the attention : a tale full of interest.
• a subject about which one is concerned or enthusiastic : my particular interest is twentieth-century poetry.
2 money paid regularly at a particular rate for the use of money lent, or for delaying the repayment of a debt : the monthly rate of interest | [as adj. ] interest payments.
3 the advantage or benefit of a person or group : the merger is not contrary to the public interest | we are acting in the best interests of our customers.
• archaic the selfish pursuit of one's own welfare; self-interest.
4 a stake, share, or involvement in an undertaking, esp. a financial one : holders of voting rights must disclose their interests | he must have no personal interest in the outcome of the case.
• a legal concern, title, or right in property : third parties having an interest in a building.
5 (usu. interests) a group or organization having a specified common concern, esp. in politics or business : the regulation of national interests in India, Brazil, and Africa.

So, when does interest become a passion? Passion seems to be an intense form of interest; passion perhaps begins with interest and gradually builds. To what extent are we satisfied pursuing our interests instead of our passions?

Some individuals seem to be blessed to know their passions and to have their passions be something to which they can fully devote themselves. Other individuals are not so lucky, they may not have a clear sense of who they are enough to know what truly interests them in order to discover their passion. It would be a sad thing, to be swayed and tossed by the world to accepting interests and perhaps even claiming a passion that is not one's own.

Here's to hoping that we are all fortunate enough to find our passion.

Water and heights

2011-08-12T13:11:00.003-05:00

Most folks who know me know that I'm afraid of heights and water. I had great friends in high school who would take pity on me and help me change the marquis when that was my job. I had a great friend who signed up for a swimming class with me to help me work on my fear of water. I've made some progress regarding those two fears over the last few years, but I still have my moments, especially when the two elements are combined, like with bridges.

It doesn't seem quite right that a person afraid of heights and water should live right next to the Mississippi River. There are two bridges here in town that connect Iowa to Illinois and one a few miles upriver that I really, very highly dislike. I have named that particular bridge "The Goat Trail on Stilts."

Some people agree with me and others don't see what is so bad about driving over expanded metal. I've even been stopped on the middle of that bridge because of road construction- not my happiest memory. Yes, that bottom picture is the view below the car when we were stopped on the bridge.

To drop James off at the airport we had to cross over. When I took him to drop him off they were doing construction on the north bound lane but because it was way early in the morning when I dropped him off, it wasn't too bad, other that the fact that the left lane was blocked and lanes are too stinking narrow to begin with, but I made it. It didn't occur to me that when I went back to pick James up- they would have moved the construction to the south bound lane as well- by the time I realized this, it was too late and I ended up in bumper-to-bumper, one-lane traffic going over the river. I was somewhat distracted by my frustration about one my biggest pet-peeves, people who try to go as far up the lane that ends. When it says merge, people should MERGE! Not drive up as far as they can to get further up the line, because it's those idiots that contribute to the bumper-to-bumper aspect of driving through road construction.

Anyway, we made it, I survived going over the bridges and I suppose I'll either get used to it, or go even crazier than I already am.

Houston

2011-05-06T09:14:00.007-05:00

James is completing his last residency for Walden University this week in Houston and I got to come with him. We've been to Galveston Island, played on the beach of the Gulf of Mexico, driven across Pelican Island (not much there), attended the Houston Temple, eaten dinner at Chilo's Mexican Seafood Restaurant (which is an interesting experience), and James has enjoyed his sessions of the residency at the Hilton Hotel in downtown Houston and I've enjoyed my quiet days in the hotel room. We'll be going home on Sunday.

Chilos Mexican Seafood Restaurant- We were hungry when we finally got to Houston, so we looked around for a place to eat and our GPS turned up the name Chilo's. I called to find out when they closed and was informed they didn't close until 2 am, although I could hardly hear them because there was a lot of background noise. It was close, so we ventured out and entered another world. We were the only Gringos there that weren't there with a Hispanic companion. They had live entertainment that was good, but LOUD. The food was so dang good. We decided to go back the next night because it wasn't expensive and it tasted so good. I'm pretty sure we had the waitress we had because she spoke the best English. The second night I decided to try something new and I ordered Tilapia. I tried to disguise my reaction when they brought me a whole fish that had been breaded and fried. I wish I had a picture of it. It was very good, but still through me off a bit.

Galveston Island-
We went to the visitor information center that is in the carriage house of the Ashton Villa. The lady there directed us to a great little local place to eat "Shrimp-n-Stuff". James of course enjoyed his fried oysters and I enjoyed way too much catfish and I even ate one of James' oysters (something I've never done). Then we went to the beach.
I should have known it would happen. It had rained on us about 80% of the way down to Houston and the lady in the visitor center had talked about how much they needed rain. As soon as we got the beach, it started raining. We went into a shop that was along the beach and wandered around for a while. When we had decided we'd go out in the water anyway and went to put our stuff away in the van, it started raining even harder. We sat in the van, finally had decided to just drive around for a while, and it stopped raining. We went, played in the Gulf of Mexico, buried each other in the sand, and just had fun. We went back again for a bit last night, made a small sandcastle, of course I didn't have the camera with me. As we were gassing up the van to head back to Houston, a man approached James and said, "Here, give this to your lady and tell her it was made by a real Galveston beach bum."
He proceeded to make me a palm rose. James and I both want to bring the kids down there for a vacation someday.

Houston Temple- It's been a long while since I've been to the temple. I'm always amazed by the feeling inside and how simply beautiful everything is.
I'm glad we were able to go. We performed the sealing for Linda's parents, which is a neat experience. I can't wait for them to finish the Kansas City temple so there will be one a little closer.

James' residency is being held at the Hilton America's in downtown Houston. We were luck enough to find an inexpensive hotel about a mile and a half away from the downtown area that is quick and easy to get to and from. I drive over and drop James off and then go pick him up. I will say, I kind of like driving here. James thinks I'm a natural city driver. It's always important to communicate clearly about when and where I'll be picking him up. There was some misunderstanding the first day and I spent about 2 hours driving around and around and sitting in an abandoned parking lot a couple block away and then driving around and around. It doesn't take long to get pretty familiar with an area.

Our hotel is a pretty nice stay. I was impressed with the appearance of the room, especially considering the price we are paying.

After we'd been here a couple days, I noticed there was a black light above the bed. The pictures will explain the rest.Just wait, there's more

All in all, it's been a fun trip. I'm glad I had the chance to come with James. I can't tell my in-laws thanks enough for taking care of the kids and letting me come.

For additional pictures of our trip click here.

Feelings

2011-03-23T02:16:00.003-05:00

Tonight, my littlest one came to my room crying and sad. I picked her up and she put her arms around my neck and hugged, and wrapped her feet around me. I put in our bed and tucked her as she said, "Thanks." I sang her her song and then went back to what I was doing. She blew me a couple kisses before she drifted off to sleep.

So many feelings in life. They may be an abstract concept but they are very real. For instance, I really wanted to say "There are so many feelings in life" but after all these years, having had Mrs. Wanda pound it into my head during English that you can't start sentences with "there is," "there are," or "there was" because they aren't subjects, I still can't do it. Such a simple thing, but the effect is there.

Feelings can uplift and strengthen or they can drag us down. Some of the best feelings I've felt are love, friendship, hope, happiness, joy, etc. and it doesn't get much better than having little arms around your neck. The diversity of feelings never ceases to amaze me. What would life be like without feelings? Would there be any meaning to existence? I don't think so.

I'm glad for the feelings I've experienced, even those I didn't enjoy at the time I felt them such as sorrow, despair, hopelessness. Without the comparison the good wouldn't seem as good. So, I will continue to throw myself into each new day, intent on experiencing feelings to the fullest, wringing out every last drop to make the experience more full.

Character

2011-03-21T02:22:00.003-05:00

"Character is simply habit long enough continued." -- Plutarch

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." -- Helen Keller

"Everyone has the obligation to ponder well his own specific traits of character. he must also regulate them adequately and not wonder whether someone else's traits might suit him better. The more definitely his own a man's character is, the better it fits him." -- Cicero

"You cannot dream yourself into a character; you must hammer and forge yourself one." -- James A Froude

"People seem not so see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of their character." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Most people say that is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong: it is character." -- Albert Einstein

"Character, in the long run, is the decisive factor in the life of an individual and of nations alike." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Character, not circumstance, makes the person." -- Booker T. Washington

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If you will think about what you ought to do for other people, your character will take care of itself. Character is a by-product, and any man who devotes himself to its cultivation in his own case will become a selfish prig." -- Woodrow Wilson

"We are what we seem to be." Willard Gaylin

"Our lives teach us who we are." -- Salman Rushdie

A simple Google search will reveal all kinds of quote on all kinds of subjects. If only we had a Google search engine inside us that could perform the same service. I remember taking a class from SLCC, it was a college success class and I remember the professor using the analogy of a worker inside our brains who had the job of retrieving, managing, and filing things for us. It would be interesting to interview that worker of ours to see what logic is used for putting things where they are put. Is part of that logic reflective of our character? It makes me think of the country song that says "It's the little things, that make me love you so" and the chorus says "Those little things you do that make me love you/They're all I need to make my dreams come true/And you know what tears me all to pieces/Is the way you tell me that you love me too." (It was hard to type that without singing it to myself in my head as I typed). Anyway, it's the little things that show our character to those around us.

As Emerson also said, "What you are doing thunders so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you are saying." It is the things we do that say who we are. The good news is, if you don't like what you are portraying, it's always possible to change it, one little thing at a time.

Frisbee

2011-03-20T22:15:00.007-05:00

Frisbee has been a favorite past-time of mine since I was a teenager. Maybe because I always had fun playing frisbee and always had such good company when I played. I remember playing with my brothers out on the street in front of our house. I didn't even mind too much when I almost took my eye out on a branch in Lafaye's orchard when I had to jump over the fence to retrieve the frisbee. We'd play "500" with the return missionary friends who were visiting, although I wasn't the best at that. We even took a frisbee out in the sand for one of my birthday cookouts and I think it's still out there. Jeff used to play very patiently with me (I've not always had the straightest throw) and Trent and Joshua used to play Frisbee with me after I'd get off work my first year in college.

Needless to say I have good memories of playing frisbee. I still enjoy playing and I've found a new companion to enjoy it with me.

Frasier is always excited when I get down the Frisbee and we head out the door. It is a great way to give him exercise. He's got his eye on the Frisbee right there and is ready to go.

This is the gravel piles the City keeps a half a block east and north of our house. I do like living on the edge of town. Even if I don't throw the Frisbee over the gravel piles, Frasier will usually detour over at least one on his way back to me.
As you can see, he takes some detours on the way back. The above picture, I had actually thrown the Frisbee over the big pile in the middle, but going over one pile wasn't enough for him.Here he is returning from a bathroom trip at the corner of the lot. The first couple times after we head outside he takes the Frisbee with him to do his business before he brings it back. He makes it so easy on me. I throw the Frisbee, watch him chase it down, often hurtling over the top of the gravel piles, and then when he's on the way back, I bend over and hold out my hand and he brings it right to me, even if it means he has to circle me a couple times to slow down. Frasier knows how to make me happy.

Here's a link with more pictures of our Frisbee trip today.

https://picasaweb.google.com/hyamiranda/Frisbee?authkey=Gv1sRgCOqp14nZnYaaRg&feat=directlink

2011-03-18T07:36:00.002-05:00

"Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different." -- Katherine Mansfield.

I still love quotes. Someday I'll have to put all my quotes together in one place.

Interesting-what does it say about you?

2011-03-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

I was yellow.

http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/career-quiz/

I was an organizer.

http://www.careerpath.com/career-tests/color-test/

My turtles and fish

2011-03-15T14:00:00.005-05:00

I have to say that I love my turtles. I could watch them all day. My favorite thing is to feed them by hand. They are actually pretty good at not biting me.

Of course, we know that if children hold something close enough for them to bite onto, they don't let go until they are out of the tank and then they go flying. The turtle was none the worse for it's 5-6 foot flight and landing on a wood floor. It tucked in its shell and the kids gathered around, and then, they scattered as he came out and started crawling.

We like to supplement their diet with feeder goldfish. It's best to buy the cheapest fish possible because they typically don't last long, with the exception of our 6 remaining goldfish. We also have "the monster fish" which is a large plecostamus.

Painted turtles are spread, with different varieties, across the US. They are aquatic and do great in the water as long as they have a basking area to sit on. They are fun to watch when they are hunting. I still can't believe how fast they are.

They are very inquisitive, very interactive, and have very good eyesight. They'll see me in the kitchen and start scratching at the tank when they are hungry. Of course, they decided to be camera shy.

Here is a link to more pictures in my online album. https://picasaweb.google.com/hyamiranda/MyTurtlesAndFish?authkey=Gv1sRgCLvq0pyV-ImQKA&feat=directlink

Quotes

2011-03-15T13:07:00.004-05:00

"Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence." Hellen Keller

"Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." E.E. Cummins

"Excellence is not an act but a habit. the things you do the most are the things you will do the best." Marva Collins

"Make voyages! -- Attempt them! -- there's nothing else..." Tennessee Williams

My thoughts- truth comes from many sources. Sometimes we see it when it comes, sometimes we don't. Sometimes we need to see it from one place because we won't see it from another. The search for truth is an ongoing journey that can be as exciting as we want it to be.

better late than never

2011-03-10T16:19:00.002-06:00

So, I've been typing the bedroom the last 3 1/2 days instead of working in the office which is right off the living room. Why, you may ask? Well, to avoid interruptions, kids and dogs that can push the door open, TV, Internet, etc. Anyway, I've been sitting on the floor with a lap desk, working away, thinking to myself, "This just doesn't seem right, I need small desk or something so I sit on the couch. What did I use last time I was working back here?" Today, as I sat on the floor ready to work and shift and fidget again for hours of uncomfortable typing while sitting on the floor, I looked across the room, and the lights came on, or maybe I should say someone finally came home. Literally right across the room from me is my piano bench. It's probably been sitting there the last few days smugly laughing at me every time I fidget or adjust my position, wondering how long it would be before I figured things out. Better late than never, but that piano bench could have reminded me a lot sooner. :)

What life is all about...

2010-02-09T15:47:00.002-06:00

Lately, I've tried to indulge and bend my mind toward a higher plane or level of thinking. Robert Crawford, in his book Think For Yourself has inspired me to at least attempt thinking which is more than just imitating the thoughts of others. Whether or not I have succeeded remains to be seen, but at least the process of realizing my thoughts has begun.

A few days ago, James quoted, "The more I know, the more I know I don't know." This is true, no less for me than for anyone. I have come to realize, that life is not lived day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year. Rather, life is lived as a series and compilations of moments. Moments comprised of choices. This compilations of the moments we live, as evidenced in the choices we make, create the picture of who we are. These pictures are not set in stone, they can be modified, if once we discover the picture is one we would rather not see. Choices are the key.

I have also been highly influenced by a study of Sterling W. Sill. He speaks of two kinds of temptations. He often got the impression, when people would speak to him of temptation, that it appeared many often hoped to be tempted beyond their ability to withstand. This is either good or bad, depending on the temptations we choose to give in to, for it is a choice. Temptations come in two kinds, good or bad, it is possible to be tempted by good things as well as bad things. The choice is ours as to which we will be more highly swayed by in our decisions. This allows us to agree to be tempted by things which will create a great masterpiece of moment compilations, or, on the flip side, to create a compilation of moments which turns the stomach upon contemplation.

While I was teenager, I learned a song titled Be that Friend. I don't remember all the words now, but the concept came through to me again, after many years. I'm sure we've all, at one time or another, reflected upon the person we want to become. Upon current reflection, the person I want to become still seems a distant possibility, the me that I am is far removed from the me that I want to be. Whose fault is that? Mine, all mine. Unfortunately, I am not able to blame anyone else for my own choices, tempting as that may be at times. It would not change the reality; I create my own compilation of moments.

We are not relegated to remain mediocre, we are not forced to be stalled in our progress. We can choose to be that person we desire to be. It is all a matter of choices, moment to moment, which make the difference in who we are and who we will become.

Simple memories

2010-01-08T11:24:00.002-06:00

For some inexplicable reason, an old family standby has just sounded and tasted so good to me lately. It's a food that comes with a lot of memories, macaroni and tomato. Such a simple food. I remember sitting down for lunch at Grandma Sorensen's house. She would slice cheese rather than grate it, and you could break it up in the bowl if you wanted cheese. Nathan would always add so much cheese mom hated washing the pan after he made it. I try to be careful when I add the cheese so it melts just right and doesn't disintegrate because it's too hot. You can change it by adding different meats to it, ham or hamburger are my personal favorite additions. Mom of course, always makes her macaroni milk and cheese when we had it. It doesn't change much, but sometimes, that's a good thing.

Old Farmer's Advice

2009-12-03T20:46:00.002-06:00

I got this as an email, but figured it was worth sharing.

Old Farmer's Advice

Old Farmer's Advice:

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back,

you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,

watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,

try orderin' somebody else's dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man.

If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

And,

gotta love it...

2009-11-16T16:51:00.003-06:00

This came through my email today, thought I'd share it this way instead. Who knows, I might be activating some curse by doing so, but I'll risk it.

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom doorwithout using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room,because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread,because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving, because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip, because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse, for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes ,because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings, because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul, because I have 363,21420 angels looking out for me, andSt.. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC, because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, legs or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants,although I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to twelve of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola, because i t can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, since the people who make these products are atheists, who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave, because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore, because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or vending machines, because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls, because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me..

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex, since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target, since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone, because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine, because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot, because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send th is e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large pelican with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and mutant fleas from South America will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician…….

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

No Success

2009-11-16T11:02:00.003-06:00

Well, last Saturday was the first day of pheasant season here in the pheasant capital of the world. James, Ben, and I headed out into the crisp morning air to partake in the age old battle of man against birds. We had Neo and Frasier to help us with the work. Well, we got nothing... Didn't even see a pheasant in any of the areas we went to. Of course, we saw a couple flying and running out of other fields being worked over by hunters as we drove by. There are so many big groups that get together, that it is hard to compete for good areas.

All I got was sick. Sunday, I couldn't move without my head feeling like it was going to explode. So today, now that it is nice and cold and wet, and they are more likely to fly instead of run, James and Shane (a guy from our ward who lives and breathes bird hunting) get to go, with more of a chance for getting something and I'm stuck at home. Not so happy about that, but life goes on. I'll get my chance one of these days.

This is what I want to see:

It's quite an exciting feeling to have a pheasant come up out of the grass. They are beautiful birds.

Oh yea, and all Neo got was scraped from running into a barbed wire fence. He and Frasier were pretty dead after we got home. As someone I know always likes to remind us (aka, my little mother), "That work's hard when you're not used to it."

Chaos

2009-11-09T17:21:00.004-06:00

Sometimes, chaos closes in. Your breathing tightens, your blood seems to pound through your body. You can feel yourself shaking, trembling, wishing for calm, wishing for peace. It doesn't matter how it starts, but it seems to always be there, waiting for an opportunity to strike. Once chaos finds a foothold, it's hard to get rid of. To breathe deeply, to not react, but act with calmness is a must, but sometimes, seems impossible.

When the chaos does pass, it still leaves an unsettled feeling. When will it attempt to strike again? Will it succeed? Can you ever truly get rid of it?

As they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. Chaos can be eliminated, eradicated, but only with a fight. Fight fire with fire, be stronger than the chaos. Smoke it out, you can't continue with it in your system.

Oh, for moments of peace. To recreate a time when the deepest feeling you felt was not chaos, but calm. Remember it, cling to it, hold on for dear life. Life goes on, the moment will pass. "This too shall pass away..."

Change in plans

2009-11-07T14:27:00.002-06:00

I remember when I was in high school and people would ask me about my plans for the future. I would rattle off a list that was very carefully constructed, even if not realistic and not really that well thought out. It seemed realistic to me at the time, but it didn't really have a defined goal at the end. In my ignorance, I thought I had things worked out.

Well, plans changed, life happened, and because I really didn't have a goal, I went with it. I'm not saying that where I am now wouldn't have been an excellent goal and where I would have wanted to plan on being, but I am saying I would be better off at this point if I had arrived here on purpose.

I believe it was Elder Nelson, I could be wrong, who said something to the effect that failing to plan is planning to fail.

I don't believe that my overall life to this point has been a failure, but parts of it have. Different points in my life were not as well utilized, I believe as a result that I didn't plan. What does that mean for my future at this point?

Hopefully, I've learned the lesson and will no longer face failed points in my life. Right? Right. Moving on, defining our plans, rearranging as necessary, throwing in contingency plans. Can anyone really plan for the future? When I was in high school and people asked my plans, I didn't put in marriage, because it was an unknown. How much recognition should we give to known unknowns which may/will come?

Have I failed to this point? Perhaps, in some ways. Need I fail in the future? I guess time will tell.

What I've always wanted

2009-11-04T12:28:00.004-06:00

I have often considered myself a fearful person. I'm afraid of the dark, afraid of heights, afraid of water, afraid of failure, and the list could go on. I have done my best at moving through life despite my fears.

I used to run as fast as I could between our house and Grandma Esplin's house if I had to go there after dark. Those of you who are familiar with Orderville realize that's not that far. Seems a bit extreme, right? Well, I can now comfortably go outside and do the chores at the farm at night, without the slightest discomfiture. I can walk around town after dark, I can stay in my home with the doors unlocked, I finally feel somewhat free from some of my fears. My answer? A big, beautiful, loving, protective grey ghost.

I always wanted a dog I could stand beside and rest my hand on his back, and now I have him. Neo is an answer to more prayers than one, and I feel certain he was brought into our lives for a reason. If people can be directed to people, why can't animals?

He is only a puppy (a year old tomorrow), but I know somewhat of what he is capable of. That knowledge is a separate story and maybe one that should be shared in private if any are curious. I feel comfortable and safe as I have not done in years.

Yep, he's the one. The dog that gives me confidence and saves me from some of my fear. Who'd have thought it? But know this, he's like the Hulk, or any other super hero. He has a calm, quiet, unassuming alter ego, with raw power and strength lurking beneath the surface.

What can I say, I love our dog. Well, one of them. Frasier is another story altogether and quite a different personality. Don't get me wrong, I love Frasier, but he's in a different league altogether. He's the Jester, Neo is the Knight.

Stop Tyranny

2009-10-21T23:17:00.003-05:00

I stole this quote from James who got it from the Glenn Beck program.

Samuel Adams (Oct. 1772)

"It is high time for the people of this country explicitly to declare, whether they will be freemen or slaves? It is an important question which ought to be decided. It concerns us more than anything in this life. The salvation of our souls is interested in the event. For wherever tyranny is established, immorality of every kind comes in like a torrent. It is in the interest of tyrants to reduce the people to ignorance and vice. For they cannot live in any country where virtue and knowledge prevail. The religion and public liberty of a people are intimately connected; their interests are interwoven, they cannot subsist separately; and therefore, they rise and fall together. For this reason, it is always observable, that those who are combined to destroy the people's liberties, practice very art to poison their morals. How greatly then does it concern us, at all events, to put a stop to the progress of tyranny."

Change

2009-10-20T14:20:00.000-05:00

The other day I had decided on making a certain change in my life-I had decided that I was going to start riding my bike again, for my benefit as well as Neo's benefit because I would take him with me. I went out to get my bike and had to change the seat and then I discovered a flat tire and I was out of time.

As I left the endeavor I was frustrated and a bit upset at being foiled in my attempt at effecting positive change in my life. I attempted at first to rationalize my failure by sayin that some of the elements of change were beyond my control. I was unable to satisfy myself with this answer because of something learned from my dad: the maximum effe range of an excuse is zero.

I did have power over the elements of change this situation. I could have and should have taken the effort and time to ensure my success rather than my failure. I re-learned that the only elements of change not in our control are people. In the future, it is up to me to take the time and effort to ensure my success and I have only myself to blame if I fail. I control the situation, the situation should not control me.

Purpose?

2009-10-09T12:01:00.002-05:00

The other day, James was flipping through the channels, yes, he is a channel flipper, and we ended up watching part of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (except maybe me). The situation was this, Raymond wanted to prove he could be mature. They were under the impression that their daughter wanted to talk about intimate relations between men and women, so, Raymond studied up, got some books, then went up to talk to her. It turns out, she wasn't interested in that, she wanted to know why we are here, why did Heavenly Father place us on the earth. Raymond panicked, said something about Heaven being crowded and we are placed here to relieve heavenly congestions. I guess Heaven has a cold.

Anyway, he went downstairs and he and his wife were trying to decide what to tell the daughter, when his family came barging in. The following conversation was a bit sad. The father sat there and made rude and snide comments to all family members, the brother was thinking too hard in the abstract, and the mother tried to find the answer in the bible. In the end, they still weren't sure what to tell the daughter.

How hard is it to say that we are here to learn, to grow, to prove ourselves worthy to go back to live with Heavenly Father. How pointless and hopeless it would seem to live without this knowledge. For people who really don't know what to say to those questions, there is an answer.

I then remembered a professor at Southern Utah University. He talked once about using the proper tools for a job. If you are studying chemistry, you don't use physics tools, if you are studying physics, you don't use electrician's tools. When you are working on something, you use the tools that will give you the best results. When studying things of a spiritual nature, you should use the right tools, spiritual tools, not scientific tools.

Last but not least...

2009-08-17T01:16:00.000-05:00

A tribute to one parent would not be complete without considering the other. So, a few thoughts about my little mother (although I am very glad you are the secretary now I miss asking Mrs Karen if my little mother is there).

Where do I begin? I doubt there are any other mothers out there like mine, and I mean that in a good way. She has her quirks, like eating the same thing for breakfast all the time, or spending more time outside than she originally planned to do. But few people are as 'special' as my mom ;). She is always willing to help others, she is determined, she is persistent, she is tough, she is loving (even if she does find it hard to express it to a lot of people), she is a lot of things, and each one just adds to the character that is my little mother.

A few memories:
(mom you reminded me about this one) I was shopping with her once and she hit her head on the scale in the fruit section;
How can I forget the day of the dogs? Its a long story but to sum it up mom took off down a hill, dad and I followed, and we rescued two hunting dogs. If you want the whole story just ask;
Digging the basement with a wheelbarrow and a shovel;
Hauling rocks for landscaping;
"Mom you watch the road and I'll watch the rocks." this said as she veered close to the edge of the road in Zion;
Watching movies while eating lunch- we are 'kindred spirits' (bonus something if you can name the person I quoted) when it comes to the movies we enjoy;
And last but not least, the time James, Liahna, and I surprised her at work.

So many memories of both parents and so much gratitude that I have the parents I have. They are both amazing people and I hope I can take the very best of them into my life and share it with my kids.

To my dad- part 2- memories

2009-08-05T15:56:00.002-05:00

As I was up with Ellie last night, I had some time to think and I started with remembering moments with my dad. Here a few of the highlights I could think of.

Going to hunt woodchucks with him, I think our total for an afternoon was 22 or 23, I'm pretty sure that was also the day he killed the rattlesnake and gave me the rattles.
After he and mom gave me a camera for my 16th birthday, he and I went out exploring and saw some pretty cool places around Orderville, on one of the occasions he took a picture of me with the AR-15, wish I could include it, but, oh well, we had fun.
Skipping MIA to go get a load of wood with he and Grandpa Esplin (maybe that's where I went wrong :).
He helped me pick out John James (my first car, the Plymouth Laser), turned out he had known the lady who owned it before. It was kind of fun to watch him try to cram himself into the car with the seat where I had it.
Jeeping in Steep Trails when he put the jeep in 4-lo and got out and walked a long side for a bit.
He does this whistle thing at times, not an out and out whistle (although he can do that too) but a humming whistle, used to bug mom when he would do it during songs at church.
hhmm-hhhhhhhmmmmmmmm (inside thing)
How many people actually know about cv-boots in a car? Well, he helped me change an outer cv-boot on Edward (the little geo I drove my first year at college) and an inner cv-boot on John James (and that shortly after surgery without a compression thing for the spring). How amazing is that? (don't you love my terminology?)
Calling him to have him drive home through Cedar one day after he got off of work at Deseret Laboratories to have him help me put together my desk.
He went with me to pick up the t-shirts for the student council, making me drive the Jeep, and remained quite calm when I was the first person in line at a light on the Boulevard and killed it.
I could always call on him when my vehicles had a problem.

I have many memories of my dad, and these are but a few. I'm sure those of us who know him all have our own little memories of our interactions.

The Inevitable

2009-07-09T14:49:00.002-05:00

You know how they say that the only certain things in life are death and taxes? Well, I think that a few more things are inevitable in this life:

Most puppies will look cute;

Kids will be natural helpers if you can stand to let them;

Growth and decline in their natural order, both sometimes sad;

When a wife/mother completes something, the natural forces in the home embodied by spouse and children will unite and conspire against her to undo what she has labored to do;

Few things remain 'done';

Change is constant;

If you were born, you will die;

Kids/dogs will make messes and get dirty;

Love is not a destination, it is a journey;

The purpose of living is to learn;

We will all make mistakes;

And last but not least for now, life will go on.

Be what you is...

2009-06-30T01:19:00.000-05:00

I’m sitting here this morning, yes it is morning, sad as it seems that I am not asleep, listening to Peter snore on the couch, and thinking about life and what it means to live. I’ve been reading blogs and looking at Facebook and thinking that life is an interesting thing. There is an old country song that says, “It takes all kinds of people to make a world” (I even double checked, it was sung by Roy Orbison). That is true, it does take all kinds of people, and believe me there are all kinds of people in this world. We each have a different idea of what life should be like, different definitions for things, different ideas of how things should be done, different paradigms that define the way we see things, different views of the same situations, different everything. It’s good to be different, to be true to yourself, within reason. But who’s to say what’s within reason? We have cultural norms which provide certain guidelines, or other belief sets which provide a pattern for living, but there is still a considerable area of grey where our differences may be expressed.

One person looks at something and says it’s this way, another says it’s that way. It may be that they are both right/wrong. Many times there is no one right answer. I used to question myself because I would attempt to judge myself by some standard that I thought was out there and I didn’t understand it. I thought it was there, but it was a figment of my imagination. Yet, during that time that I thought it was there, it placed a great weight on me because I thought I would never measure up. It took me a while to finally get it through to myself that the only standard we need to measure ourselves against is our own, but not one that we create based on what we think other’s are thinking, one that actually makes sense in our heart of hearts. We should never be made to feel worse about ourselves because of our standard, apart from recognizing that there is constant and continual room for improvement. We can and should acknowledge other’s influences on the creation of our standard. If there is someone you admire and respect, it’s okay to seek for those in them that you admire and respect, but tailor it to you and make it make sense in your life.

Think of Aesop’s fables; the one about the crow who admired the peacocks and finally, in an attempt to be as fine as the birds he admired, he stuck peacock feathers into his tail to be like them. It didn’t work of course and they mocked and ridiculed him. The crow was just as fine a bird by being the best crow that he could be, he didn’t need to pretend or attempt to be any other type of bird. I think that (and this is my view entirely) people need to be okay with who/where they are at the current time to have strength and inner encouragement to work and move forward along the line to reaching one’s standard. We should be constantly seeking to improve, but according to our own strengths and desires, not someone else’s. I also think it is important to determine some specifics in our standards and our quest for improvement. Businesses recognize the benefit of achieving milestones in the completion of things, why should the principle differ for individuals. We are what we make of ourselves. “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.” Are you happy with what you get? If so, great, keep going. If not, what needs to be done differently? Do you actually know what you want to get so that you’ll be able to know what you need to do to get it? It’s very unlikely that you’ll ever be successful by judging yourself by another’s standard because our paradigms are very different, and that’s ok.

We are all living, and while our lives are intertwined and we impact those around us, we are better off living our lives the best that we can. Like we learn from the movie Cool Runnings, if you walk/talk/are Jamaican, you better bobsled Jamaican. If you are you, the best you that you can be, is you, not your interpretation of someone else’s version of what you think they think you should be. If that sounds confusing, good, it should be. I can be very confusing to try to wrap your mind around figuring out what you think other’s think you should think. Think for yourself, create your own standard, but create it and then work to be it. One of my favorite quotes sums it up, “You got to be what you is, ‘cause if you be what you ain’t, you ain’t what you is.”

Random thoughts

2009-06-11T03:06:00.001-05:00

I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately, in response to events, reading blogs, facebook, comments, etc. That’s not to say that I don’t have thoughts other times as well, it’s just that, of late, my thoughts are weighed down. I’ve never really been much of a person to share my thoughts and feelings, and I’m not sure I’m very good at it. I do want to share some things, not because I think they’ll be of value to anyone but myself, but only because I think if I don’t share, I’ll have a mental breakdown. I may have one anyway, but I do want to try to avoid it, I don’t have time for it.

To start with, I’d like to preface my thoughts with a bit of a song from the movie “Paint Your Wagon” if you haven’t seen it, see it. The words are these, “Where’m I goin’ I don’t know, when will I get there, I ain’t certain, all’s I know is I am on my way. … Oh, who gives a damn I’m on my way.” (Hope no one is offended)

Many of my thoughts have centered on our purpose in life and the journey we make during life. We are all on our way, most of us do know where we are going, and most of us have people who do care that we are on the way. Many people don’t know and don’t care where they are going and really don’t give a damn about those around them. Knowing where you are going and that you are on your way makes a difference, it truly does and just as much is knowing that people care.

I gave a talk recently in which I referred to the cartoon Dora that I “get” to watch with the kids occasionally. It is simplistic in its approach, after all, it’s for children. I used to get bothered by its simplicity, and would get caught up in telling myself that it isn’t that simple. Then, I found myself questioning why can’t it be that simple? The Lord wants us to be like children, the beauty of the gospel is in its simplicity, children know it, but because we adults like to complicate things, we try to complicate everything, even if it could and should be simple.

Life does get complicated, and busy, and stressful, and we get anxious, and nervous about things, and wonder which the heck way am I going and how did I end up going this way when I thought I was actually going another way and how do I … well, you get the idea. It can be hard to take a deep breath and untangle events and circumstances and things we need to do and get back to a simple view of life. It can take time to sort through things and get them organized, but it is well worth it.

Let’s see, where are my thoughts taking me? Into depths and realms that I would frankly rather not explore. I don’t like being or feeling vulnerable. I am uncomfortable at times with greater depths of emotions. Life can be predictable in so far as it is unpredictable and that things are guaranteed to change. This can knock us off our feet at times, but we all have a helping hand before us. As the young women’s song says, “Walk tall you’re a daughter, a child of God. Be strong please remember who you are. Try to understand, you’re part of His great plan. He’s closer than you know, reach up, He’ll take your hand.” And so, I’m reaching up, because He knows what I need, He knows what I’m feeling even if I can’t express it. Life may be complicated, but the gospel is simple, truth is simple. I’m on my way, I know where I’m going, and some people care, what more do I need?

Retrospection- what I've learned

2009-05-08T07:23:00.000-05:00

Everyday I am faced with the passing of time. I watch my little ones grow and change and every time someone asks how old they are, it hits me how fast time flies. Sometimes it rocks me to my heels thinking about where the time has gone and how quickly it passes. My only hope is that it hasn't all been wasted. Which made me think about what I have done with my time, what have I learned in the time that has passed. Here goes:

What I've learned about me:
-I must be part pack horse (it is not uncommon to see me packing around one of the kids, especially Peter who loves piggy back rides and saying, "Run!")
-I prefer stability, structure, predictability but find them to be scarce commodities in my life right now.
-I don't mind doing the "chores" on the farm, but (an honest confession here) struggle with the daily tasks of keeping house.
-I am a major procrastinator.
-I don't like seeing people make fools of themselves because I dread the humility of making a fool of myself (this extends to movies, I highly dislike Steve Martin movies).
-I miss being a more integrated part of my family.
-I don't mind the flatness of Kansas anymore and I'm amazed at how much sky there is, and the colors out here, wow.
-I don't do repetition well.
-I love my husband and my children very much.
-I can do more than I think I can.
-"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me"

What I've learned about others:
-Kids are like dogs: they learn bad habits if you let them, they love unconditionally, and they chase anything that will run from them.
-You can learn a lot from children, if you can get over thinking that, because you're an adult you know more than they do.
-Kids naturally love to help (I'm learning to bite my tongue and just say, "that's okay, I can clean it up")
-Kids, at least mine, have a natural affinity for getting dirty and I say, "Let them!"
-Kids and animals go together.
-Most people need something to call their own, that they get recognition for, and that they can do well at.
-People are focused on their own insecurities, not yours.
-There are a great many good people in the world.

What I've learned in general:
-Big jobs are best done a little at a time.
-New things don't come easily.
-Brunettes can have blonde moments too (only I don't blame it on my hair, I throw in the "I have three kids" card and it usually works.)
-Time continues to pass, life goes on, and every minute that passes can bring something wonderful.

Travels

2009-04-01T01:07:00.003-05:00

From my facebook page:

"So many things in life seem like a dream and yet, are real, that it creates a grey line in determining what is real and what isn't. I went to Pennsylvania, Virginia, drove through Washington DC and all I have seems like a dream. I know it was real, I know it made sense at the time, but as time goes on, it seems unreal, so far removed from my current existence as to seem as if it couldn't have been real and must have been a dream."

Now, a comparison of the airports I had the "pleasure?" of visiting.

Wichita, for the simple reason that it is small and was so close to home when we came back, will be ranked top on my list.
Minneapolis- far and away my favorite airport. It seemed cleaner and more user friendly to navigate. (Maybe that was because I beat James by sneaking on the tram and getting to the gate ahead of him, poor man had to carry Ellie the whole way."
Washington Dulles- I felt like I was in a space movie with the big shuttles that took us from the baggage check-in point to the terminals. It wasn't too bad, once you got inside and were waiting at the gate, all the comforts of, well, an airport. Shops, food, books, bathrooms, you get the idea.
Atlanta- I was just getting anxious to get home, didn't pay much attention. I will say I like the tram at Minneapolis better than the one here, you were above ground.

Another bonus, we had Ellie, so we got to skip the long lines waiting to get through security and take the family line. We didn't really have any hangups getting through. So, word of the wise, if you want to get through security fast, travel with kids, but then be prepared to deal with the kids later. Ellie traveled like a pro. She handled the flights better than I did. I wasn't scared, I actually enjoyed that, bit of a paradox for someone who is scared of heights and considers a ladder a height. Anyway, my ears pretty much did me in and it didn't help that I had a cold so that a couple days before we left my ears were adjusting and popping as I drove around Hays. I know what it feels like to be half deaf. For the first three days we were out there I literally could not hear anything out of my right ear.

Getting back to Ellie, she was wonderful. The aloofness of city people is no match for a blue-eyed smiling baby. I don't know how many people smiled as they walked by, or how many people had to stop and make some conversation about her. And to see their faces when she would smile back, I know she made a lot of people very happy. However, the downside is, she got so used to being with me, that she is on a bit of a mommy kick. The other night, at Blaine and Linda's, I had to run downstairs. I heard her crying and fussing the whole time I was gone. They thought she had gas pain or a burp, or something actually wrong with her. When I came back upstairs, Blaine gave her to me and presto-stopped crying. It's nice to be loved and needed. Liahna and Peter still won't leave the room I'm in during the day, other than for five minutes here or there.

It was a fun trip. I got to get to know family better, see some sites around DC, and go through the DC temple, what more could I ask for? Plus, the best part is, I got to come home.

temples

2009-03-24T11:18:00.004-05:00

I think many individuals would consider James and I a bit strange. We recently had the opportunity of being around Washington D.C. What was our major interest? Not the monuments, the museums, etc. It was attending the temple there. The others are wonderful and I was glad to be able to drive around by them and I hope to visit again and see more of them. However, a trip to another temple is something I will cherish. The opportunity to get away from the world and renew myself is priceless. Thanks so much to Uncle Blane, Aunt Judy and cousin Linnea and her husband Pat.

Perhaps this video from the church will help explain our desires for the temple.

a chronicle of song snippets

2008-10-30T17:56:00.002-05:00

Here are some of the more memorable snippets of songs from a couple of the DVDs which played at my house while Mom and Dad were visiting. Maybe by sharing them online, I'll be able to get them out of my head. So, no more dilly-dallyin' let's get started.

"Gotta crawl, gotta crawl, gotta crawl, to the ugly bug ball, to the ball, to the ball, and a happy time we'll have there, one and all, at the ugly bug ball."

"No shilly-shallyin', no dilly-dallyin', let's have a drink on it now!"

"Detrooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, detrooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, DetrOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!"

"What's wrong with that?!"

"There are those, I suppose."

"You must walk feminine, talk feminine, smile and be girl feminine. Maximize your femininity, if you want to catch a beau... Let him do the talking, men adore good listeners. Laugh, but not loudly, if by chance he tells a joke."

"And she thinks she's the pink of perfection" with the resulting, "She's not knock-kneed Nancy."

"I'm just a little black rain cloud, hovering under a honey tree. I'm just a little black rain cloud, pay no attention to little me."

"Up, down, turn around it puts me in the mood. for food.. I improve my appetite when I excercise."

"You must be oh-so, mysterioso. ... to the rythm of by-um-pum-pum."

"Fortuosity, that's me by-word... and leave the rest to for-tu-o-si-ty."

Believe it or not, these all came from only three DVDs. I'll give you a brownie point if you can match the song with the movie. The movies are:
The happiest millionaire
Summer Magic
Winnie the Pooh

Anniversaries

2008-08-24T20:16:00.003-05:00

For some reason, I've been thinking a lot about anniversaries lately. Maybe its because of all the wedding anniversaries in the summer (i.e., Nathan and Rachel, Ben and Sarah, Alex and Nicole, Blaine and Linda, etc. you get the picture). As I was thinking about anniversaries, and as September approaches, it always makes me reminisce.

About this time six years ago, I was heading back to my second actual year at college (although I was already a Senior). I had gone home for about three weeks at the end of the summer and as the time approached for school to start again, I remember a night out on Mom and Dad's porch when I knew something big was going to change for me that year. I like to say that I didn't know what was going to change or have some inkling or suspicion. I think I would have just been in denial and absolutely terrified if I had let myself feel what was going to change. The feelings were so strong that I actually considered not going back to school because I was scared. Sure enough, something big did change. September 15 is the six year anniversary of the night I met James and September 28 is the six year anniversary of when we got engaged.

Naturally, thinking about those anniversaries leads me to think about December 23, our wedding anniversary, and there, my nostalgia takes a nose dive. We haven't had the best track record with our anniversaries. Let me explain why.

Dec. 23, 2003- our first wedding anniversary. What a milestone of achievement. We went to St. George, ate at Fazoli's, and then went to the temple to do sealings. There was another young couple there and she ended up not feeling well, so they left early and we hung in there and finished all the names. On the way home, we stopped twice for me to throw-up and we spent the next couple days with food poisoning. Thank goodness for LDS neighbors who don't object to giving blessings late at night.

Dec. 23, 2004- I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, and that just kind of dampens the romance, just a tad.

Dec. 23, 2005- I was still nursing Liahna. I think we managed to go out for dinner, but by the time we were done eating, I needed to go home. Sometimes a momma needs her babies as much as the babies need their mommas.

Dec. 23, 2006- I had a 1 month old baby. Need I say more?

Dec. 23, 2007- Our fifth wedding anniversary, so special, right? Two kids, no baby sitters, but I guess this one could have been worse. We celebrated with a date a couple days early, went to dinner and a movie, had our picture drawn by the little portrait thing at the mall. Peter broke the glass in the frame we bought before we'd had it on display for a whole day.

Dec. 23, 2008- Our upcoming sixth anniversary. I'll have a 2 month old baby. Again, that should be self explanatory.

Maybe what our anniversary streak has taught me is that those days that help us remember are special and important, but really only because they help us remember. Every day should be a special day as we contemplate our loved one and each day we should attempt to appreciate them as much as we do on our anniversaries. It's kind of a "why can't every day be like Christmas" thing.

Something unspeakable

2008-08-19T09:50:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I had one of the most amazing experiences in my life. There are those moments when life is good, great, and wonderful, when you feel truly at peace and content. These moments can be caused by various things; as a wife and mother, the latest of these experiences has occurred in relation to moments with my family, particularly those moments when my children remind me of the preciousness of life. My experience yesterday, was of a different nature.

Despite the early frustrations of the day, after all, I'm a woman and I'm pregnant, my emotions are allowed to vary, right? The errands we ran, the fussing of the children, had built up a store of stress and anxiety. These stores are best if not kept, yet somehow, in our society, they can be difficult to get rid of. We had decided that on the way home from Hays we would stop and see Sonny and at the time we got there, when no horse was to be seen in the pasture he was supposed to be in, it was looking to be just the perfect finish to the day. We decided to walk to the back corner of the pasture and take a look from there. I carried the bridle and toward the end, Peter held onto the reins behind me; we were following a cow path, and it didn't work so well to hold hands beside me due to its single file nature. We found Sonny, in a corner of the pasture we hadn't previously known about and he seemed genuinely glad to see us, although not so anxious to have two, rather inexperienced would-be horse people, (mostly referring to me) put a bit in his mouth and bridle him. We finally managed, James managed to get on his back, and we all finally made our way back across the pasture (thankfully without the cows). By the truck, we had to set up our new saddle and cinch, but the holes weren't cooperating. It was my task to stand and hold the, now, very patient Sonny.

I don't know what it is about animals that makes us want to talk to them. I would challenge anyone to be confined somewhere with a friendly animal, with nothing else to entertain, and see if you don't just start talking. After all, who's to say the don't understand or least that they don't understand our feelings if not our words? I remember Nathan saying something about how he liked talking to babies and toddlers because you can say anything to them, as long as you say it in the right tone of voice. Now I wonder, just what has he said to my kids? In reality, it is a natural inclination to talk to animals and it doesn't really matter what we talk about, unlike when we are talking to people. When we talk to people we have to attempt to make sense, but animals, there is no strain on being politically correct, you don't have to worry about what you can and can't say, as long as you say it in a conversational way. Thoughts and feelings can be released in a natural way, just experiencing our thoughts out loud.

There I was, standing at Sonny's head, my initial nervousness and fear apparently had vanished, and I was talking. While the feeling may be unspeakable, I definitely spoke a lot. I talked and talked, petted and talked some more. While some people may advocate meditation for relaxation and calm, and I have personally experienced the deep relaxation of self-hypnosis and hypnosis and it is a deep, bone deep, feeling of all around, overall relaxation, this topped the list for the more conscious realm of relaxation and calm. All stress and anxiety that had built up over the day or over several days dissipated into thin air and things were truly peaceful. Things were going on, James was working on the saddle, the kids were playing in the dirt and the weeds, there was windmill clanking nearby, but it was calm, or rather, I was calm and relaxed as I have been only a few times in my life. The experience of interacting with Sonny, just standing there, being close and trusting, talking and petting, being used as a scratching post, was unspeakable. I don't know that words could possibly convey the depths of peace and tranquility that I experienced. It was such an experience that just remembering the feeling, putting myself there in my mind, breathing it again, and remember what it felt like, helped me go to sleep that night in less than half the time it usually takes, which is saying something.

Man has created a busy world, with almost constant movement and noise. It is hard to find a place where things stand still, where you can feel and hear yourself breathe and think and realize your existence in the world. Yet in a pasture, next to horse, it can be achieved.

Robin Hood

2008-03-26T22:57:00.004-05:00

As I was watching Robin Hood (the good old Walt Disney, Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest Robin Hood) I realized a few more discrepancies. The holes in Little John's shirt and Robin Hood's hat, after being chased in the opening by 'the scheming sheriff and his posse,' disappear. A similar thing happens on Fox and the Hound when Boomer (the woodpecker) knocks on the widows door. He punches a hole through the door (after all, he is stuck in the door when she opens it) but the hole is never seen again.

Anyway, back to Robin Hood. At the end when Robin Hood swims up using the reed, if he had been breathing through it there wouldn't have been any water in it to blow in Little John's face. Also, when Skippy shoots his arrow into Prince John's backyard and he comes face to with Maid Marion, I wonder how the birdy ended up on Maid Marion's side of the court when it had in fact gone down Lady Cluck's dress. And also, how does that cast help the blacksmith dog when it is so loose on his leg?

Too much is, well...

2008-02-02T10:59:00.000-06:00

One thing about children is, they don't mind being repetitive: they can say the same thing over and over, ask the same question over and over, and watch the same show over and over. The first movie Liahna picked up on was Lady and the Tramp, by Walt Disney. At first she called it 'puppies.'

The first dozen or so times we watched it, it was all right, but as time went on, it began to wear on me. As I watched over time, I began to pick up on some things. For instance:
a- sometimes they have a screen door and other times they don't
b- the first night they have Lady, Jim Dear makes sure to put a newspaper down for Lady, but it disappears
c- the back porch never changes, no matter what time of year it is

It has actually been awhile since I've seen it, so I can't remember what other observations I've made.

The second movie Liahna picked up on was 101 Dalmations, also by Walt Disney. She called it 'New Puppies.'

I noticed that Disney borrowed dogs from other movies, for this and Oliver and Company. In the scenes where they show a lot of dogs, they borrow dogs from other movies. Also, the park scene where Pongo is trying to bring Roger and Anita together, he puts Roger's hat on the bench. Roger doesn't pick it up, and yet he has it on when they fall in the water.

As I think of more discrepancies I'll let you know.

On reading

2008-01-27T13:27:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about reading since I read my sister-in-law, Nicole's, post the other day. I used to love reading. I would read two or three books at a time. I remember it taking forever for me to clean up my room, because I would find a book and start reading. When I worked for the SWATC, the Adult High, and the SWEA setting up their library, it took a lot longer than it should because I read a lot of the books as I entered them into the system. The picture below would have been heaven for me, especially if I owned them all.
However, my collection is not nearly that expansive. I loved books, I lived in books. People looked at me funny when I said I liked the feel and smell of books. Aunt Sandra used to comment about me reading every time we went to visit. I can't say that I read that widely, after all, Orderville is slightly limited in the literary sense, but I did the best I could with what I had. Thank goodness for the Bookmobile.

Then I met James and he put reading into a whole new perspective for me. He used to tease me about reading drivel (i.e., fiction). I of course, would get a little defensive, how could he tease me about something I loved so much? Then he explained. His vision, which most of you know, is limited and on top of that he is dyslexic. Doctors were amazed when he started reading again after his surgery. It would have been interesting, because of the vision loss he experienced double vision as his eyes adjusted. Try to imagine only seeing have a page, but seeing it double. Reading would be a challenge. Because of his experiences and limitations, he feels he doesn't have the time to waste reading drivel, but would rather spend the time reading other books (since I've met him he's read the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith, a large portion of Mormon Doctrine, several books by Hugh Nibley, and he's working on Joseph Smith Papyri (which is not a book for the faint of heart), another book by Hugh Nibley, and many more. Needless to say, by spending his time reading such books, instead of fictions books, which are mostly entertaining, he has forced me to reexamine my love of reading.

Don't get me wrong, lessons can be learned from fiction works, but I wonder if I spent too much time learning from fiction and not enough time reading, well, more educational books. While I can't go back and change the past, and I'm not sure that I would, what will I change in the future with my new found perspective? Right now, I don't even have the time to worry about it. Me, who used to be in the middle of three or four books can't even remember what book I read last. I don't have any books planned, except for textbooks and the like. Am I sad about that? At one time I would have been absolutely devastated, but strangely, I'm not. The days where I read like that were fun, but the time has come for me to think of other things, with occasional dabblings into the realm of drivel. ;)

Change in plans

2008-01-25T17:24:00.000-06:00

While this is related to family in that it deals with our future, James and I have discussed and determined a change of plans in relation to my academic pursuits once James has finished his PhD. Instead of becoming an accountant, I will be focusing my pursuits on becoming a lawyer. I was thinking the other day about why I wanted to be an accountant, is it because I love numbers? Am I passionate about accounting or about the detailed processes and procedures and the amount of technicalities which are inherent in accounting. I believe it is the latter, in which case I will love being a lawyer, from the informational point of view.
Once James is finished, during the process of getting him finished I'll start studying for the LSAT, I intend to pursue my JD, and possibly my JSD (why stop before you reach the top?). I know some of you have concerns, but James and I have worked it out and we feel it is the course for us to pursue, accounting was a good idea, but it just didn't have the right feel. Right now, as a result of precursory study, we have decided that Washington University in St. Louis will be my top pick, it is the best in the Midwest and in the top 10 or 20, depending on which ranking you look at. I know Mom, it is further away, but it would only be for 3 or 4 years, and we are still a ways from it. I haven't decided what specialties I would look into, but with a law degree from one of the top law schools, we are pretty confident that we could go just about anywhere and I would be able to get a job. James is planning on teaching online classes, so he would be home with the kids, and after a few years of experience, there wouldn't be much stopping me from being self-employed. We still have research and prep to do, but at last we feel like we have the right path ahead of us.

On traveling

2008-01-18T10:54:00.000-06:00

This last weekend we went to Missouri to visit Andrew and Clarice. The above picture is from our visit to Indiana, but it works with some of the thoughts I had as I contemplated out trip. There are different types of travelers, pleasure travelers, career travelers, and quick travelers are some that I could think of. I think the easiest to explain are the career travelers, truck drivers, business people who travel frequently. In essence, a career traveler is someone who travels frequently, often over long distances, and it becomes a way of life or second nature (no, I'm not quoting a dictionary). The pleasure travelers are traveling for fun, they stop frequently to take in the sites, sit down to eat, and take the trip easy. Then there are the quick travelers, they drive straight through, eat while driving, stop only when necessary, and want to get started so they can get it over and done with. While I am married to a quick traveler, I still hold out hope for being able to be a pleasure traveler someday, just to see what it feels like.

Separation

2008-01-14T02:32:00.000-06:00

I'm struck right now with a new realization about change. Not only is it a constant in our lives, it occurs sometimes in areas where we would least like it. I look back at the relationships I've had with family and friends, and yes, they too, are subject to change. Gone are the days of youthful promises about an unknown future. The future has a way of changing those promises. I applaud those who have kept them and I weep with those who lost them. Not all change is bad, but often we long for the things we had, like prior relationships where we received a great value. Perhaps our longing is because we know it will never be the same, yet our need or our desire for the value remains. Some relationships get better, compensating somewhat for those which bring sad thoughts of loss. Who can say which relationships will weather the storms of change. Is the best friend, I'll never leave you, I'll always be there for you? Or is it the more casual acquaintance with deepens with time? Are there some relationships which have a better chance of lasting? Who knows. All I can say, when I think about some of the relationships in my life which have changed in a disappointing way, is oh well, that happens, and I move on. Some of the relationships will lie in the dust until they blow away, some will continue in a different form, and some will bloom and grow forever.

Genealogy

2008-01-10T15:37:00.000-06:00

The following is a poem that Grandma Esplin gave me in my Book of Remembrance years ago.

Facts or Fancy

Woe is me, such misery and pain
For 200 years my hopes were in vain,
Until one of my kin just happened to hear
Of the Gospel restored, and the truth was quite clear.
"You must save your dead to have Eternal Life,"
But finding the right ones has caused toil and strife.
I've been taught here in heaven and I, too, see the light,
If only my kin folk would seal things up right.

Marie Brawn is the name to which I was born,
But the name, Mary Brown, by records adorn.
I've wept and I've wailed and gnashed all my teeth
In vain to inform those off-spring beneath,
To be sealed to my man has long been by dream,
But they've joined me to one I've not even seen.

Six children I bore with both joy and tears,
And waited with longing for them through the years.
But sadly to say there have only been three
That those relatives yet have had sealed to me.
To make matters worse, they discovered four others
And blandly porclaimed that I was their mother.
Now if that's not enought to in patience withstand,
They say I'm 50 years older than I really am.

So I earnestly beg and implore and beseech,
To stress accurate care with the people you teach,
In recording the names the dates and the places,
For fear of adjoining wrong names and wrong faces.
Genealogy work that is not rightly spelled
May consign "Old Joe" to a place that's -- oh well,
Just remember to copy each record with care;
Get your facts straight and always beware
Of errors in time and above all in name.
For another man's wife is never the same
As the one whose tongue is sharpened on you,
So be sure that your temple records are true.

By Evelyn Meadows and Carma Lowe

Christmas

2007-12-13T14:39:00.000-06:00

I know we've all heard about the true meaning of Christmas being lost in commercialism and Santa Claus. The other day I was looking in the Deseret Book catalog and saw a book by some guy trying to prove Santa Claus exists. I think some of the old Christmas songs say it best, they speak of a simple and uncluttered Christmas. What happened to the days when we used to wish, "Why can't every day be like Christmas." If everyday were like Christmas, I would come to hate Christmas. It would be more appropriate to say, "Why can't every day be the way Christmas should be." So many things have become associated with Christmas that detract from the overall experience: crazed shoppers, overwhelming hustle and bustle, stress to get the right gifts, seeing Christmas in stores before Halloween, commercialized Santaism, things and materialism. I could go on, but my point is to illustrate the difficulty in being able to wade through everything to find the Christ in Christmas, especially when it is shortened to X-mas. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I get excited every year about putting out my Christmas village and putting up the tree and the lights. Somehow, I do manage to find meaning at Christmas time. I just wish the world could find the same meaning, without trying to over-complicate it.

Simply put, Christmas is a time of renewal, of new birth, symbolized by the birth of the Savior. Christmas is a time of warmth and love, when people come together, like the shepherds and the wise men. Christmas is a time of giving, not just of presents, but ourselves, just as the Father gave us a part of himself the night His son was born into our world. Christmas is a time to hope for the future, just as the angels hoped for a better future knowing that Christ had begun his saving mission. Christmas is a time to let go of the past and start embracing the future, just as Christ's birth marked the beginning of the end to an old law and the beginning of the new law.

Let's take the true meanings of Christmas to heart this year. Let's look for them through the fog that society has created and find them shining like a star that can't be dimmed, that lights the entire earth. I remember some words to a song I sang growing up, Mom, helped me out with the words.

"The night was long, we traveled far, at times I looked but could not see the star. yet still it shown, unveiling then the way to Bethlehem. My heart held fear, mid puzzled joy, for I was only a small shepherd boy, and on a hillside soft and green, I heard an angel sing. I saw the midnight sky aflame with radiant angels bathed in light, holy light, bringing word that Christ was born and beckoning to find him, go and find him. But life goes on, years beyond, one brief night of my youth, time clouds my vision of truth. And though I stumble and fall, I can hear someone call, do not despair, your star is still there. That Christmas night, so long ago, has filled my life with light because know that he lives now as he did then a babe in Bethlehem, whose love never ends. Shine for me again, star of Bethlehem." (Shine for me again: Star of Bethlehem).

Recording time

2007-12-07T16:37:00.001-06:00

Many times I've wished that I'd kept a better record of my life. Actually, there are a lot of things I wish I had done and a lot of things that I still want to do. Where do we begin reconciling what we didn't do that we wanted to do, with what we actually did, even if it didn't turn out the way we wanted? I don't know of many things in my life that actually turned out the way I wanted, some have turned out better and some, obviously have not turned out as well as I had hoped. It might be significant that the things that have turned out better are those most likely to be related to my eternal happiness (family). I just wish I had a higher success rate, well, that I had less things go worse than I had hoped. I read a quote once, back in my days of collecting quotes, by the way, I'm thinking of typing them up soon, anyone interested? Anyway, back to the quote, "Of all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest of these, it might have been." That wasn't the one I was thinking of, but it seemed to apply. Years of not reading (anywhere near like what I used to) and not perusing through my quote book has gradually dulled my memory. The gist of the one I was actually thinking of is the disparity between what we are and what we could be. I realize we will never attain in this life to what we actually could be, but we should at least be drawing closer and lessoning the gap, right? As I've worked with James in his classes, I've noticed that we all define success in different ways, to some it's money, to others it's educational accomplishments, to yet others, it is family, career, etc. We each write our definition of success, but do we write it as what we want to accomplish or do we base it on what we have accomplished so that we feel we have been successful up to this point? What do you consider success?

The world is going to...

2007-09-27T19:53:00.000-05:00

I look at the world around me and I'm not sure what to think. James likes watching Glenn Beck, so we hear about issues of national concern, international concern, and some that I'm not sure how they would be classified. I hear things on the news about the state the world is in. Everyone knows that the world is messed up, but sometimes I don't know if we know how messed up.

I look at the world like the game in the picture above. At first it was solid, then, people started playing and taking pieces out. It is getting more and more unstable and eventually, it will topple. What a crash that will be.

Think about it, society just doesn't make much sense anymore, as a whole that is. Parts of it aren't that bad, but overall? Take money, for instance, at one time it stood for something. Now, it is nothing more than a complex barter system and it's merely symbolic. With extra rich and extra poor, it doesn't mean anything, other than someone has more of something that isn't really real than someone else does.

The dog wins

2007-09-13T08:36:00.000-05:00

Security Systems

2007-09-12T23:42:00.000-05:00

I've seen commercials about the ADT security systems, I'm sure you've seen them. This is my take on security systems. Sunday morning, I was in the shower when James left for his morning meetings. Since the kids were asleep in the living room, I had intended to ask him to lock the door after he left, but I forgot. Before my natural paranoia got out of hand, I remembered that Lady was loose in the house and my concerns were alleviated.

It reminded me about Cesar Milan, the dog whisperer. Yes, I watched that for awhile. He was able to do amazing things. I remember him talking about rottweilers. He had a special feeling for them because some of the first dogs he rehabilitated were rottweilers. He liked to call them gladiators and he never worried about leaving his wife and kids at home because of his dogs.

All in all, I think dogs constitute a much friendlier and less costly security system than systems like ADT. Plus, you have a built in reason to be more active and go for walks (Lady knows my walking shoes and gets pretty excited). Look at the benefits of dogs. They are interactive and there are proven medical benefits for people to own pets. They are easy to use, you feed them, play with them, and presto, they love you and protect you. They are easy to transfer if you move and you can take them wherever you go (Lady knows that when I grab the keys after dark that she is going with me). They can warm your feet and entertain your children. Sunday morning Lady and Peter had a tag game going on. It was opposite of what you would normally see. Usually you see a dog chasing a running child, this time, Lady was running from Peter and he followed. She would come into the room and stand by me, and, sure enough, here came Peter after her. She would run to the living room before he got anywhere close to her and he would turn around and follow her. I kept trying to tell her that by running from him, he just thought she was playing with him.

Another part of our family security systems is our firearms, of which we have quite a few. We have: two 12-guage shotguns, one 20-guage, one 30-30, two .22 rifles, one .22 pistol, one 30-06, one .357 revolver, and my sig. All the boys in the area know that it would not be wise to try to enter our house (I've been known to keep my pistol with me while James is gone). However, wisdom in all things. As I've said before, the best gun control is gun training. We teach our kids to respect guns and that they are not toys.

I feel that we are set for life when it comes to guns. We are also set for the next 10-15 years when it comes to dogs. What more could we ask for?