More about the things we do

So, I've thought more about the things we do. My great-grandpa Cox used to say, "Happy is the man who loves to do what he has to do." We are not in this life for drudgery. Even the simplest of tasks can be a joyous occasion if we accomplish it with the right frame of mind. Doing dishes can be tedious, repetitive, and mind-numbing or it can be a labor of love, a time for reflection, and time of renewal. The way we feel, think, and then act will in large part determine whether we enjoy the things we do.

"Why do we do the things we do?"

Les Jones, a well known professor of psychology at Southern Utah University, is well known for his question/statement, "Why do we do the things we do?" His response is then to teach his students about FAT- feelings, actions, and thoughts. This then, is the conglomeration that leads to the actualization of actions in our lives. Perhaps actions is the wrong word, action implies some intent to act, while our behavior, and those things we just do or don't do, are not always guided by an intent to act.

Many of the great and wise men in the world have attempted to express the impact of our thoughts in our lives. James Allen, in possibly one of my absolute favorite books "As a Man Thinketh" teaches this with such simplistic clarity that it seems implausible that one would not understand this premise, our thoughts do impact and influence our lives. Some of us have the wrong idea about what a thought is and what thinking is. The simple turning over of mundane information in our minds, is not thinking. I was told as a college student that most students have never actually had a real thought. We regurgitate and we imitate and we perhaps venture into connecting ideas, but actual thinking?, not so much.

The thoughts that have the greatest impact on our actions are perhaps thoughts we aren't even aware of. Some may scoff at the idea of subconscious thoughts impacting their everyday behavior and responses, but can they actually deny that the same might be true? Then, in conjunction with our thoughts are our feelings and our actions that must be considered to fully comprehend our behavior and the way we live.

I have come to the conclusion that our lives are a spider's web. Any slight disturbance or contact with part of the web must, in even some small way, impact the remainder of the web. In this way, all aspects of ourselves are effected with any occurrence in our lives. This may lead to an almost "which came first, the chicken or the egg" discussion when it comes to discussing why we do the things we do. Do we smile because we feel good, or do we feel good because we are smiling? Sometimes, the sequence of events can be unraveled, but other times it is not so clearly understood.

The idea of FAT- feelings, actions, and thoughts makes it sound simplistic to understand why we do the things we do. However, it is not altogether that easy. For instance, depression. When one has experiences with depression, as I have, it is not enough at the time to say, this is in relation to my feelings, actions, and thoughts and that by changing them, I will get better, I will feel better, I will be able to enjoy my life again. There is a place for changing our thought cycle, by recognizing and not condoning negative self-talk, to practice positive self-visualization, but it just may not be enough. So, the religious person holds up the faith card, saying, but if you have enough faith, you can do all things. I have often wondered how these pieces fit together. Each of our lives is a different puzzle and each puzzle has different pieces that fit together differently.

You have your issues, I have mine. To try saying it isn't so would be like saying a Zebra has brown and orange stripes, and that whales swim in the sky. It is just a matter of due course that we all have our own issues. How we deal with our issues is a combination of our feelings, actions, and thoughts. However we may look at it, that is what we boil down to, our FAT. And, while some people will hate this, only you can deal with your FAT, no one else will have an ultimate impact but yourself. So, lets accept our own FAT and deal with it on our terms and leave the responsibility up to each individual to do with their FAT as they see fit.

For life

The son of a dear friend of mine passed away yesterday. He has taken the next step in the process of our lives and goes to prepare a place for those who follow. As I sat thinking and feeling, these words came to me.

Steps are taken, day by day

Choices are made, moment to moment

Where our direction will go, only one knows.

Dreams are dreamed, night by night

Hearts are warmed, smile by smile

Who we will touch, only one knows.

Lives are lived, year to year

Loves are found and lost in life

When it will end, only one knows.

Promise

We all know that there a different kinds of people in the world. Some are tall, short, fat, skinny, in between, you name it, the list could go on and on with different ways to describe people. I've thought a lot about the differences between positive, negative, optimist, pessimist, and realist. The problem with any of these, is that it is all subjective. As long as there is a human element in viewing a situation or person, subjectivity factors in. I've learned a lot about objectivity and subjectivity in learning about research paradigms, methods, etc. Some individuals highly value objectivity and strive to attain it, realizing however, that true objectivity is not possible, but something to work toward. 

So, positive vs negative; optimism vs pessimist, and then contrast them all with realism. It is fairly easy to think of some people and say they are an optimist, a very positive person, and others it's pretty evident that they are more negative and pessimistic. Then there are the realists, who claim that viewing reality is neither positive or negative, reality just is. We all know we'd much rather be around people who are positive rather than people who are negative. Sometimes even positive people have a glass half empty day. Some quotes:

"Between optimist and pessimist, the difference is droll. One sees the donut, the other sees the hole."

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

It seems that some people just could possibly never be happy, because they are always critiquing, or judging, and not taking time or giving room for just enjoying or appreciating. I decline to agree that we are born viewing the world in a certain way. In the movie South Pacific, we learn from the song "You've got to be carefully taught" that hate and fear are learned as we grow. Our outlook in life is like that too. We are not victims of circumstance. 

Do any of you know people like this?

Me: "Look at that big tree."

Other: "I've seen bigger."

Me: "Look at the colors on that tree, aren't they magnificent?"

Other: "I've seen prettier trees" or "I prefer another color."

Me: "Isn't it a beautiful day?"

Other: "It would be better if..." or "Tomorrow is supposed to be better."

So what if you've seen bigger trees, it doesn't mean you can't appreciate the view of another tree. So what if you've seen prettier trees or prefer a different color of leaves in the fall. You can still appreciate the beauty of that tree. So what if you wish something else for today or are looking for something different tomorrow. Today is the day you have to appreciate, or that tree in front of you is right there to appreciate, and you can still marvel at the size of that tree and appreciate the life it's lived. We may all wish for something different, something better, but it doesn't have to keep us from enjoying the here and now. 

Here's a toast to positivism and optimism, taking your reality and seeing what's good and wonderful and magical about it. 

Coming Clean- beginning the chronicle

Guess what, y'all? I suffer from depression, dysomnia, and moderate OCD. I figure I've struggled with them most of my life. For years I let it define me, I let myself thing that it made me less of a person for some strange reason, and that I was protecting myself by not admitting these issues out loud. Guess what? I don't care anymore. We all have our problems and sometimes they are worse than other, sometimes they have a greater impact than at other times. It reminds me of the analogy about a group of people who hung their "burdens" on a clothesline. At first they would look at the burdens hung up by others and think, it's smaller than mine and I could deal with that. After looking at the rows of burdens on the lines the individuals finally were ready to reclaim their own burdens in comparison with what other's go through. James also likes to watch the show "Baggage." The premise of the show is that a dater reviews the baggage of three potential "datees" to see which one has baggage that is acceptable and which has baggage that is not acceptable.

So anyway- here's my baggage.

• I have trust issues- I am trusting, but I don't want to/have not been willing to "let people in." I am great at listening to other's empathizing, but I wasn't willing to return that same level of trust and share my own insecurities or issues. There have been a few exceptions to this, but for the most part I held people away. 
• I count- and this one is difficult to explain. I started counting in junior high and it is still a large part of daily life. I count by fives, I've even found myself counting out paragraphs to see if the letters in the paragraph are divisible by 5. I count around things, particularly rectangles, circles, or triangles by seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty (and by the way, seventeen is bigger than twenty). That may be strange, but it beats counting from 1 to 20. It does get annoying when I get caught up in counting around each reflector pole I pass, thank goodness there aren't many reflector poles where I live now. It's frustrating though when things I count aren't divisible by 5. 
• Sleep- a major issue for me. I have been diagnosed with dysomnia, which includes insomnia and other problems with sleep as well. I am loving finally getting a good nights sleep, although I don't particularly appreciate not remembering my daughter putting stickers on my arm, not remembering what is dream or reality from the night before, but it is kind of fun to stand on the end of my bed and say "Timber" and fall forward on my face.
• Depression- I consider 2010 to be the "black hole" because there is nothing there. It's like living in a fog, a dark, dank, foggy reality. I've had a few moments of being in the sunshine, being out of the fog for a bit, and it's getting better, but is still an issue. 

As a result of my issues, I've been thinking a lot about how different people cope, how people keep going, how faith interacts to help get through things, and how we all struggle with our own individual problems. I was speaking with my father-in-law, who has helped me a great deal get through things, and he reminded me that the greatest battle we will fight in our lives will be within our own minds. I believe he was paraphrasing from Sterling W. Sill. Believe me, I know what he means. I've seen the people that are having a battle in my mind. 

So, now we have the summary. I am bitterly embroiled in the battle of my life and it remains to be seen where it goes from here.