"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and at last you create what you will." -- George Bernard Shaw

"The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -- Winston Churchill

Thursday, October 30, 2008

a chronicle of song snippets

Here are some of the more memorable snippets of songs from a couple of the DVDs which played at my house while Mom and Dad were visiting. Maybe by sharing them online, I'll be able to get them out of my head. So, no more dilly-dallyin' let's get started.

"Gotta crawl, gotta crawl, gotta crawl, to the ugly bug ball, to the ball, to the ball, and a happy time we'll have there, one and all, at the ugly bug ball."

"No shilly-shallyin', no dilly-dallyin', let's have a drink on it now!"

"Detrooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, detrooooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, DetrOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTT!"

"What's wrong with that?!"

"There are those, I suppose."

"You must walk feminine, talk feminine, smile and be girl feminine. Maximize your femininity, if you want to catch a beau... Let him do the talking, men adore good listeners. Laugh, but not loudly, if by chance he tells a joke."

"And she thinks she's the pink of perfection" with the resulting, "She's not knock-kneed Nancy."

"I'm just a little black rain cloud, hovering under a honey tree. I'm just a little black rain cloud, pay no attention to little me."

"Up, down, turn around it puts me in the mood. for food.. I improve my appetite when I excercise."

"You must be oh-so, mysterioso. ... to the rythm of by-um-pum-pum."

"Fortuosity, that's me by-word... and leave the rest to for-tu-o-si-ty."

Believe it or not, these all came from only three DVDs. I'll give you a brownie point if you can match the song with the movie. The movies are:
The happiest millionaire
Summer Magic
Winnie the Pooh

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Anniversaries

For some reason, I've been thinking a lot about anniversaries lately. Maybe its because of all the wedding anniversaries in the summer (i.e., Nathan and Rachel, Ben and Sarah, Alex and Nicole, Blaine and Linda, etc. you get the picture). As I was thinking about anniversaries, and as September approaches, it always makes me reminisce.

About this time six years ago, I was heading back to my second actual year at college (although I was already a Senior). I had gone home for about three weeks at the end of the summer and as the time approached for school to start again, I remember a night out on Mom and Dad's porch when I knew something big was going to change for me that year. I like to say that I didn't know what was going to change or have some inkling or suspicion. I think I would have just been in denial and absolutely terrified if I had let myself feel what was going to change. The feelings were so strong that I actually considered not going back to school because I was scared. Sure enough, something big did change. September 15 is the six year anniversary of the night I met James and September 28 is the six year anniversary of when we got engaged.

Naturally, thinking about those anniversaries leads me to think about December 23, our wedding anniversary, and there, my nostalgia takes a nose dive. We haven't had the best track record with our anniversaries. Let me explain why.

Dec. 23, 2003- our first wedding anniversary. What a milestone of achievement. We went to St. George, ate at Fazoli's, and then went to the temple to do sealings. There was another young couple there and she ended up not feeling well, so they left early and we hung in there and finished all the names. On the way home, we stopped twice for me to throw-up and we spent the next couple days with food poisoning. Thank goodness for LDS neighbors who don't object to giving blessings late at night.

Dec. 23, 2004- I was 7 1/2 months pregnant, and that just kind of dampens the romance, just a tad.

Dec. 23, 2005- I was still nursing Liahna. I think we managed to go out for dinner, but by the time we were done eating, I needed to go home. Sometimes a momma needs her babies as much as the babies need their mommas.

Dec. 23, 2006- I had a 1 month old baby. Need I say more?

Dec. 23, 2007- Our fifth wedding anniversary, so special, right? Two kids, no baby sitters, but I guess this one could have been worse. We celebrated with a date a couple days early, went to dinner and a movie, had our picture drawn by the little portrait thing at the mall. Peter broke the glass in the frame we bought before we'd had it on display for a whole day.

Dec. 23, 2008- Our upcoming sixth anniversary. I'll have a 2 month old baby. Again, that should be self explanatory.

Maybe what our anniversary streak has taught me is that those days that help us remember are special and important, but really only because they help us remember. Every day should be a special day as we contemplate our loved one and each day we should attempt to appreciate them as much as we do on our anniversaries. It's kind of a "why can't every day be like Christmas" thing.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Something unspeakable

Yesterday, I had one of the most amazing experiences in my life. There are those moments when life is good, great, and wonderful, when you feel truly at peace and content. These moments can be caused by various things; as a wife and mother, the latest of these experiences has occurred in relation to moments with my family, particularly those moments when my children remind me of the preciousness of life. My experience yesterday, was of a different nature.

Despite the early frustrations of the day, after all, I'm a woman and I'm pregnant, my emotions are allowed to vary, right? The errands we ran, the fussing of the children, had built up a store of stress and anxiety. These stores are best if not kept, yet somehow, in our society, they can be difficult to get rid of. We had decided that on the way home from Hays we would stop and see Sonny and at the time we got there, when no horse was to be seen in the pasture he was supposed to be in, it was looking to be just the perfect finish to the day. We decided to walk to the back corner of the pasture and take a look from there. I carried the bridle and toward the end, Peter held onto the reins behind me; we were following a cow path, and it didn't work so well to hold hands beside me due to its single file nature. We found Sonny, in a corner of the pasture we hadn't previously known about and he seemed genuinely glad to see us, although not so anxious to have two, rather inexperienced would-be horse people, (mostly referring to me) put a bit in his mouth and bridle him. We finally managed, James managed to get on his back, and we all finally made our way back across the pasture (thankfully without the cows). By the truck, we had to set up our new saddle and cinch, but the holes weren't cooperating. It was my task to stand and hold the, now, very patient Sonny.

I don't know what it is about animals that makes us want to talk to them. I would challenge anyone to be confined somewhere with a friendly animal, with nothing else to entertain, and see if you don't just start talking. After all, who's to say the don't understand or least that they don't understand our feelings if not our words? I remember Nathan saying something about how he liked talking to babies and toddlers because you can say anything to them, as long as you say it in the right tone of voice. Now I wonder, just what has he said to my kids? In reality, it is a natural inclination to talk to animals and it doesn't really matter what we talk about, unlike when we are talking to people. When we talk to people we have to attempt to make sense, but animals, there is no strain on being politically correct, you don't have to worry about what you can and can't say, as long as you say it in a conversational way. Thoughts and feelings can be released in a natural way, just experiencing our thoughts out loud.

There I was, standing at Sonny's head, my initial nervousness and fear apparently had vanished, and I was talking. While the feeling may be unspeakable, I definitely spoke a lot. I talked and talked, petted and talked some more. While some people may advocate meditation for relaxation and calm, and I have personally experienced the deep relaxation of self-hypnosis and hypnosis and it is a deep, bone deep, feeling of all around, overall relaxation, this topped the list for the more conscious realm of relaxation and calm. All stress and anxiety that had built up over the day or over several days dissipated into thin air and things were truly peaceful. Things were going on, James was working on the saddle, the kids were playing in the dirt and the weeds, there was windmill clanking nearby, but it was calm, or rather, I was calm and relaxed as I have been only a few times in my life. The experience of interacting with Sonny, just standing there, being close and trusting, talking and petting, being used as a scratching post, was unspeakable. I don't know that words could possibly convey the depths of peace and tranquility that I experienced. It was such an experience that just remembering the feeling, putting myself there in my mind, breathing it again, and remember what it felt like, helped me go to sleep that night in less than half the time it usually takes, which is saying something.

Man has created a busy world, with almost constant movement and noise. It is hard to find a place where things stand still, where you can feel and hear yourself breathe and think and realize your existence in the world. Yet in a pasture, next to horse, it can be achieved.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Robin Hood

As I was watching Robin Hood (the good old Walt Disney, Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest Robin Hood) I realized a few more discrepancies. The holes in Little John's shirt and Robin Hood's hat, after being chased in the opening by 'the scheming sheriff and his posse,' disappear. A similar thing happens on Fox and the Hound when Boomer (the woodpecker) knocks on the widows door. He punches a hole through the door (after all, he is stuck in the door when she opens it) but the hole is never seen again.

Anyway, back to Robin Hood. At the end when Robin Hood swims up using the reed, if he had been breathing through it there wouldn't have been any water in it to blow in Little John's face. Also, when Skippy shoots his arrow into Prince John's backyard and he comes face to with Maid Marion, I wonder how the birdy ended up on Maid Marion's side of the court when it had in fact gone down Lady Cluck's dress. And also, how does that cast help the blacksmith dog when it is so loose on his leg?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Too much is, well...

One thing about children is, they don't mind being repetitive: they can say the same thing over and over, ask the same question over and over, and watch the same show over and over. The first movie Liahna picked up on was Lady and the Tramp, by Walt Disney. At first she called it 'puppies.'


The first dozen or so times we watched it, it was all right, but as time went on, it began to wear on me. As I watched over time, I began to pick up on some things. For instance:
a- sometimes they have a screen door and other times they don't
b- the first night they have Lady, Jim Dear makes sure to put a newspaper down for Lady, but it disappears
c- the back porch never changes, no matter what time of year it is

It has actually been awhile since I've seen it, so I can't remember what other observations I've made.

The second movie Liahna picked up on was 101 Dalmations, also by Walt Disney. She called it 'New Puppies.'


I noticed that Disney borrowed dogs from other movies, for this and Oliver and Company. In the scenes where they show a lot of dogs, they borrow dogs from other movies. Also, the park scene where Pongo is trying to bring Roger and Anita together, he puts Roger's hat on the bench. Roger doesn't pick it up, and yet he has it on when they fall in the water.

As I think of more discrepancies I'll let you know.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

On reading

I've been thinking a lot about reading since I read my sister-in-law, Nicole's, post the other day. I used to love reading. I would read two or three books at a time. I remember it taking forever for me to clean up my room, because I would find a book and start reading. When I worked for the SWATC, the Adult High, and the SWEA setting up their library, it took a lot longer than it should because I read a lot of the books as I entered them into the system. The picture below would have been heaven for me, especially if I owned them all.
However, my collection is not nearly that expansive. I loved books, I lived in books. People looked at me funny when I said I liked the feel and smell of books. Aunt Sandra used to comment about me reading every time we went to visit. I can't say that I read that widely, after all, Orderville is slightly limited in the literary sense, but I did the best I could with what I had. Thank goodness for the Bookmobile.

Then I met James and he put reading into a whole new perspective for me. He used to tease me about reading drivel (i.e., fiction). I of course, would get a little defensive, how could he tease me about something I loved so much? Then he explained. His vision, which most of you know, is limited and on top of that he is dyslexic. Doctors were amazed when he started reading again after his surgery. It would have been interesting, because of the vision loss he experienced double vision as his eyes adjusted. Try to imagine only seeing have a page, but seeing it double. Reading would be a challenge. Because of his experiences and limitations, he feels he doesn't have the time to waste reading drivel, but would rather spend the time reading other books (since I've met him he's read the Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Lectures on Faith, a large portion of Mormon Doctrine, several books by Hugh Nibley, and he's working on Joseph Smith Papyri (which is not a book for the faint of heart), another book by Hugh Nibley, and many more. Needless to say, by spending his time reading such books, instead of fictions books, which are mostly entertaining, he has forced me to reexamine my love of reading.

Don't get me wrong, lessons can be learned from fiction works, but I wonder if I spent too much time learning from fiction and not enough time reading, well, more educational books. While I can't go back and change the past, and I'm not sure that I would, what will I change in the future with my new found perspective? Right now, I don't even have the time to worry about it. Me, who used to be in the middle of three or four books can't even remember what book I read last. I don't have any books planned, except for textbooks and the like. Am I sad about that? At one time I would have been absolutely devastated, but strangely, I'm not. The days where I read like that were fun, but the time has come for me to think of other things, with occasional dabblings into the realm of drivel. ;)

Friday, January 25, 2008

Change in plans

While this is related to family in that it deals with our future, James and I have discussed and determined a change of plans in relation to my academic pursuits once James has finished his PhD. Instead of becoming an accountant, I will be focusing my pursuits on becoming a lawyer. I was thinking the other day about why I wanted to be an accountant, is it because I love numbers? Am I passionate about accounting or about the detailed processes and procedures and the amount of technicalities which are inherent in accounting. I believe it is the latter, in which case I will love being a lawyer, from the informational point of view.
Once James is finished, during the process of getting him finished I'll start studying for the LSAT, I intend to pursue my JD, and possibly my JSD (why stop before you reach the top?). I know some of you have concerns, but James and I have worked it out and we feel it is the course for us to pursue, accounting was a good idea, but it just didn't have the right feel. Right now, as a result of precursory study, we have decided that Washington University in St. Louis will be my top pick, it is the best in the Midwest and in the top 10 or 20, depending on which ranking you look at. I know Mom, it is further away, but it would only be for 3 or 4 years, and we are still a ways from it. I haven't decided what specialties I would look into, but with a law degree from one of the top law schools, we are pretty confident that we could go just about anywhere and I would be able to get a job. James is planning on teaching online classes, so he would be home with the kids, and after a few years of experience, there wouldn't be much stopping me from being self-employed. We still have research and prep to do, but at last we feel like we have the right path ahead of us.

Friday, January 18, 2008

On traveling

This last weekend we went to Missouri to visit Andrew and Clarice. The above picture is from our visit to Indiana, but it works with some of the thoughts I had as I contemplated out trip. There are different types of travelers, pleasure travelers, career travelers, and quick travelers are some that I could think of. I think the easiest to explain are the career travelers, truck drivers, business people who travel frequently. In essence, a career traveler is someone who travels frequently, often over long distances, and it becomes a way of life or second nature (no, I'm not quoting a dictionary). The pleasure travelers are traveling for fun, they stop frequently to take in the sites, sit down to eat, and take the trip easy. Then there are the quick travelers, they drive straight through, eat while driving, stop only when necessary, and want to get started so they can get it over and done with. While I am married to a quick traveler, I still hold out hope for being able to be a pleasure traveler someday, just to see what it feels like.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Separation

I'm struck right now with a new realization about change. Not only is it a constant in our lives, it occurs sometimes in areas where we would least like it. I look back at the relationships I've had with family and friends, and yes, they too, are subject to change. Gone are the days of youthful promises about an unknown future. The future has a way of changing those promises. I applaud those who have kept them and I weep with those who lost them. Not all change is bad, but often we long for the things we had, like prior relationships where we received a great value. Perhaps our longing is because we know it will never be the same, yet our need or our desire for the value remains. Some relationships get better, compensating somewhat for those which bring sad thoughts of loss. Who can say which relationships will weather the storms of change. Is the best friend, I'll never leave you, I'll always be there for you? Or is it the more casual acquaintance with deepens with time? Are there some relationships which have a better chance of lasting? Who knows. All I can say, when I think about some of the relationships in my life which have changed in a disappointing way, is oh well, that happens, and I move on. Some of the relationships will lie in the dust until they blow away, some will continue in a different form, and some will bloom and grow forever.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Genealogy

The following is a poem that Grandma Esplin gave me in my Book of Remembrance years ago.

Facts or Fancy

Woe is me, such misery and pain
For 200 years my hopes were in vain,
Until one of my kin just happened to hear
Of the Gospel restored, and the truth was quite clear.
"You must save your dead to have Eternal Life,"
But finding the right ones has caused toil and strife.
I've been taught here in heaven and I, too, see the light,
If only my kin folk would seal things up right.

Marie Brawn is the name to which I was born,
But the name, Mary Brown, by records adorn.
I've wept and I've wailed and gnashed all my teeth
In vain to inform those off-spring beneath,
To be sealed to my man has long been by dream,
But they've joined me to one I've not even seen.

Six children I bore with both joy and tears,
And waited with longing for them through the years.
But sadly to say there have only been three
That those relatives yet have had sealed to me.
To make matters worse, they discovered four others
And blandly porclaimed that I was their mother.
Now if that's not enought to in patience withstand,
They say I'm 50 years older than I really am.

So I earnestly beg and implore and beseech,
To stress accurate care with the people you teach,
In recording the names the dates and the places,
For fear of adjoining wrong names and wrong faces.
Genealogy work that is not rightly spelled
May consign "Old Joe" to a place that's -- oh well,
Just remember to copy each record with care;
Get your facts straight and always beware
Of errors in time and above all in name.
For another man's wife is never the same
As the one whose tongue is sharpened on you,
So be sure that your temple records are true.

By Evelyn Meadows and Carma Lowe