Change in plans

I remember when I was in high school and people would ask me about my plans for the future. I would rattle off a list that was very carefully constructed, even if not realistic and not really that well thought out. It seemed realistic to me at the time, but it didn't really have a defined goal at the end. In my ignorance, I thought I had things worked out.

Well, plans changed, life happened, and because I really didn't have a goal, I went with it. I'm not saying that where I am now wouldn't have been an excellent goal and where I would have wanted to plan on being, but I am saying I would be better off at this point if I had arrived here on purpose.

I believe it was Elder Nelson, I could be wrong, who said something to the effect that failing to plan is planning to fail.

I don't believe that my overall life to this point has been a failure, but parts of it have. Different points in my life were not as well utilized, I believe as a result that I didn't plan. What does that mean for my future at this point?

Hopefully, I've learned the lesson and will no longer face failed points in my life. Right? Right. Moving on, defining our plans, rearranging as necessary, throwing in contingency plans. Can anyone really plan for the future? When I was in high school and people asked my plans, I didn't put in marriage, because it was an unknown. How much recognition should we give to known unknowns which may/will come?

Have I failed to this point? Perhaps, in some ways. Need I fail in the future? I guess time will tell.

What I've always wanted

I have often considered myself a fearful person. I'm afraid of the dark, afraid of heights, afraid of water, afraid of failure, and the list could go on. I have done my best at moving through life despite my fears.

I used to run as fast as I could between our house and Grandma Esplin's house if I had to go there after dark. Those of you who are familiar with Orderville realize that's not that far. Seems a bit extreme, right? Well, I can now comfortably go outside and do the chores at the farm at night, without the slightest discomfiture. I can walk around town after dark, I can stay in my home with the doors unlocked, I finally feel somewhat free from some of my fears. My answer? A big, beautiful, loving, protective grey ghost.

I always wanted a dog I could stand beside and rest my hand on his back, and now I have him. Neo is an answer to more prayers than one, and I feel certain he was brought into our lives for a reason. If people can be directed to people, why can't animals?

He is only a puppy (a year old tomorrow), but I know somewhat of what he is capable of. That knowledge is a separate story and maybe one that should be shared in private if any are curious. I feel comfortable and safe as I have not done in years.

Yep, he's the one. The dog that gives me confidence and saves me from some of my fear. Who'd have thought it? But know this, he's like the Hulk, or any other super hero. He has a calm, quiet, unassuming alter ego, with raw power and strength lurking beneath the surface.

What can I say, I love our dog. Well, one of them. Frasier is another story altogether and quite a different personality. Don't get me wrong, I love Frasier, but he's in a different league altogether. He's the Jester, Neo is the Knight.

Stop Tyranny

I stole this quote from James who got it from the Glenn Beck program.

Samuel Adams (Oct. 1772)

"It is high time for the people of this country explicitly to declare, whether they will be freemen or slaves? It is an important question which ought to be decided. It concerns us more than anything in this life. The salvation of our souls is interested in the event. For wherever tyranny is established, immorality of every kind comes in like a torrent. It is in the interest of tyrants to reduce the people to ignorance and vice. For they cannot live in any country where virtue and knowledge prevail. The religion and public liberty of a people are intimately connected; their interests are interwoven, they cannot subsist separately; and therefore, they rise and fall together. For this reason, it is always observable, that those who are combined to destroy the people's liberties, practice very art to poison their morals. How greatly then does it concern us, at all events, to put a stop to the progress of tyranny."

Change

The other day I had decided on making a certain change in my life-I had decided that I was going to start riding my bike again, for my benefit as well as Neo's benefit because I would take him with me. I went out to get my bike and had to change the seat and then I discovered a flat tire and I was out of time.

As I left the endeavor I was frustrated and a bit upset at being foiled in my attempt at effecting positive change in my life. I attempted at first to rationalize my failure by sayin that some of the elements of change were beyond my control. I was unable to satisfy myself with this answer because of something learned from my dad: the maximum effe range of an excuse is zero.

I did have power over the elements of change this situation. I could have and should have taken the effort and time to ensure my success rather than my failure. I re-learned that the only elements of change not in our control are people. In the future, it is up to me to take the time and effort to ensure my success and I have only myself to blame if I fail. I control the situation, the situation should not control me.

Purpose?

The other day, James was flipping through the channels, yes, he is a channel flipper, and we ended up watching part of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (except maybe me). The situation was this, Raymond wanted to prove he could be mature. They were under the impression that their daughter wanted to talk about intimate relations between men and women, so, Raymond studied up, got some books, then went up to talk to her. It turns out, she wasn't interested in that, she wanted to know why we are here, why did Heavenly Father place us on the earth. Raymond panicked, said something about Heaven being crowded and we are placed here to relieve heavenly congestions. I guess Heaven has a cold.

Anyway, he went downstairs and he and his wife were trying to decide what to tell the daughter, when his family came barging in. The following conversation was a bit sad. The father sat there and made rude and snide comments to all family members, the brother was thinking too hard in the abstract, and the mother tried to find the answer in the bible. In the end, they still weren't sure what to tell the daughter.

How hard is it to say that we are here to learn, to grow, to prove ourselves worthy to go back to live with Heavenly Father. How pointless and hopeless it would seem to live without this knowledge. For people who really don't know what to say to those questions, there is an answer.

I then remembered a professor at Southern Utah University. He talked once about using the proper tools for a job. If you are studying chemistry, you don't use physics tools, if you are studying physics, you don't use electrician's tools. When you are working on something, you use the tools that will give you the best results. When studying things of a spiritual nature, you should use the right tools, spiritual tools, not scientific tools.

Last but not least...

A tribute to one parent would not be complete without considering the other. So, a few thoughts about my little mother (although I am very glad you are the secretary now I miss asking Mrs Karen if my little mother is there).

Where do I begin? I doubt there are any other mothers out there like mine, and I mean that in a good way. She has her quirks, like eating the same thing for breakfast all the time, or spending more time outside than she originally planned to do. But few people are as 'special' as my mom ;). She is always willing to help others, she is determined, she is persistent, she is tough, she is loving (even if she does find it hard to express it to a lot of people), she is a lot of things, and each one just adds to the character that is my little mother.

A few memories:
(mom you reminded me about this one) I was shopping with her once and she hit her head on the scale in the fruit section;
How can I forget the day of the dogs? Its a long story but to sum it up mom took off down a hill, dad and I followed, and we rescued two hunting dogs. If you want the whole story just ask;
Digging the basement with a wheelbarrow and a shovel;
Hauling rocks for landscaping;
"Mom you watch the road and I'll watch the rocks." this said as she veered close to the edge of the road in Zion;
Watching movies while eating lunch- we are 'kindred spirits' (bonus something if you can name the person I quoted) when it comes to the movies we enjoy;
And last but not least, the time James, Liahna, and I surprised her at work.

So many memories of both parents and so much gratitude that I have the parents I have. They are both amazing people and I hope I can take the very best of them into my life and share it with my kids.

To my dad- part 2- memories

As I was up with Ellie last night, I had some time to think and I started with remembering moments with my dad. Here a few of the highlights I could think of.

• Going to hunt woodchucks with him, I think our total for an afternoon was 22 or 23, I'm pretty sure that was also the day he killed the rattlesnake and gave me the rattles.
• After he and mom gave me a camera for my 16th birthday, he and I went out exploring and saw some pretty cool places around Orderville, on one of the occasions he took a picture of me with the AR-15, wish I could include it, but, oh well, we had fun.
• Skipping MIA to go get a load of wood with he and Grandpa Esplin (maybe that's where I went wrong :).
• He helped me pick out John James (my first car, the Plymouth Laser), turned out he had known the lady who owned it before. It was kind of fun to watch him try to cram himself into the car with the seat where I had it.
  
• Jeeping in Steep Trails when he put the jeep in 4-lo and got out and walked a long side for a bit.
  
• He does this whistle thing at times, not an out and out whistle (although he can do that too) but a humming whistle, used to bug mom when he would do it during songs at church.
  
• hhmm-hhhhhhhmmmmmmmm (inside thing)
• How many people actually know about cv-boots in a car? Well, he helped me change an outer cv-boot on Edward (the little geo I drove my first year at college) and an inner cv-boot on John James (and that shortly after surgery without a compression thing for the spring). How amazing is that? (don't you love my terminology?)
  
• Calling him to have him drive home through Cedar one day after he got off of work at Deseret Laboratories to have him help me put together my desk.
  
• He went with me to pick up the t-shirts for the student council, making me drive the Jeep, and remained quite calm when I was the first person in line at a light on the Boulevard and killed it.
• I could always call on him when my vehicles had a problem.
  

I have many memories of my dad, and these are but a few. I'm sure those of us who know him all have our own little memories of our interactions.